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At every moment of our lives, we all have one foot in the fairy tale and the other in the abyss.

- Paulo Coelho

1. Okay, I know it’s boring the hell out of everyone to see my sky and sunset photographs, but.. they are lovely.. to me. I told a friend this, “it’s fascinating how the sky is ever-changing and there is a beautiful melancholy about the transiency of that.”

2. At a quiet place.

‘

3. It was drizzling one early evening and I decided, on a whim, to walk slightly out of the way to appreciate this. I was so fixed on it I stepped into a puddle of dirty water. -_-”

4. This is fantastic shit. Once you start on one, it is terribly difficult to stop at just that.

5. More fantastic stuff. This unassuming bowl of ramen gets my “top 3 ramen in Singapore” vote.

6. The day I turned my back against everyone.

7. Silk on tongue. Orgasmic. Thank you, Ahdai!

9. My light in this terribly lonely darkness. When I turned it on and the image of the sky tree and the lights of the universe shone on my ceiling, mum and bro went “wow” and I gaped in awe. Arigatou gozaimasu, xxxxx-san.

10. More lights where I did my hair treatment.

11. I was too slow in capturing a flock of birds taking flight here. Moments; blink and you’ll miss them.

12. Fluffy clouds and the blue blue sky.

13. Same day, seconds apart, on the other side.

i wonder what the rest of the world is up to this morning; if they are enjoying their strong cups of coffee in bustling coffee shops, if they fill up musty bookstores, lost in beautiful words and imageries, if someone is loved and being loved, if they are heading to the beach for a well-needed weekend repose, with sun sea and sand as their companions.

how did we end up here? where are we heading with this? so many questions, neither of us daring to answer. i worry, but for now, you are asleep and i am here.

this is the moment i have with you, a fragile moment between us that is mine alone. my heartaches, with all its pain and despair, and your lassitude, quiet and accumulative, they all cease, for a while. outside, time is moving, but here in this place, we stop running, stop fighting, stop hurting. the gentle breeze soothes our brokenness, blanketing us like snow. feeling strangely calm, i close my eyes and fall into another world.

this is fiction, a dream, and it has never been more vivid.

I am huddled in a corner. The dress falls over my knees. Thick darkness engulfs. Where are the windows. The door has disappeared. I lean against the cold unyielding walls. Silence weighs heavily. I can’t breathe. There is a twist in my chest. I look down. The dress is crimson. It was white. Was it.. not? It spreads. I try to stop it. My hands stain wet. Blood black as night. Something guggles inside. Stop it. I press my eyelids shut. Open them again. I see nothing. I feel everything. Far away, a female is wailing. It is annoying. She won’t stop crying. Won’t stop sobbing. Shut up. Shut. Up. I press my damp palms against my ears. She gets louder. Where is my mobile. I need to text someone. Can she stop before I — . Oh. She is ME. It is my insides. It is my grief. It is internal. I can’t stop —

To live.

To even breathe.

but reality is time moving, and the moment slips from us. the ground drops away, and weightlessness has never felt so heavy.

this is a pain i do not understand,
and there are emotions i cannot place names to.

nothing makes sense now. you search for me from a distance. i reach out, expecting something tangible. but will there be an answer to all these?
i see it in your damaged and tired soul, how trapped you feel. i can feel you staggering in my arms, your head bent beneath my chin, the tension in your body, and i want so much to make things better for you, i want so much for you to be happy.

so much,
but to what extent
without hurting myself?

1. The beauty of the skies always astounds me. I was up in the air with sister and the gorgeous strip of sunset that split the blueness of the sky and the dark clouds beneath took my breath away.

2. I guess readers or followers of Instagram must be really sick of my sunset photos. But.. who doesn’t love the sunset? Each one is different and lasts for only a few minutes every day.

3. At one of my favourite places with one of my favourite people on NYE. For once in Singapore, the sky was not obstructed by high-rise buildings and we had a full 360 degree view of the epic sunset.

4. Ocean Park, while waiting for the ride.

5. Awesome clouds.

6. Wore Iv-bro’s bracelet one night during supper and forgot to return it to him. It is now mineeeeee.

7. Living in the shadows, in motion yet not.

8. The light beamed against my window panes and I stretched out for this shot.

9. Repeat and rewind, pictures of skies to bore you guys out. But see, doesn’t the light look a little heart-shaped to you?

10. After 6 months of non-activity (because I was on meds), I finally gave life again. Need. to. humanize. myself. in this ugly world.

11.
Me: “Since 2011 was such a horrible year, I intend to spend 2012 drunk all the time.”
Jeff and Vince: *stares* O-kay! *^5 me simultaneously*

12. The week where I kept working 12 hours back to back and missed my sunsets.

13. Broken dreams, wilted soul.

it could have been some time in the last 6 years.

in the late of the night, when everyone has gone to sleep, when lights went out and darkness covered the world.

there was an intense pain, and my insides cried “this is too much”, and i cracked.

but something else happened. i think it was Tomorrow.

so i had to struggle through the something else, and didn’t have time to take care of the mess inside.

i wonder who else this has happened to. what do they do about it? it’s hard to know because nobody can see it.

so something shattered, like a glass against the wall, and i don’t know how to patch it back.

maybe there isn’t a way to. maybe no one can.

it’s hard to live with all the broken springs, bolts and nuts. all the feelings shove around, wanting to be heard, and they fight about in my body. that hurts – they don’t like being contained, you see.

with the shards constantly piercing from within, you cannot sleep or think properly. however i move, they are there, jostling about, messing with one another.

something in me broke and i don’t know what to do.

if you do, can you please tell me?