I don’t even know how to name this Taiwan post because the experience we had was is so wrong on every level.

Once upon a not-so-long-time ago,
there lived a monkey in a zoo.
he was bored senseless and frustrated
as there was nothing to do…

Right, let’s put a nice, innocuous picture first to protect the young and innocent.

As if things were getting too boring at the theme park’s zoo, something came uhh.. up.

Nearing the end of our zoo trip, Fernie, sister and I were looking around for the entrance to Monkey Trail ride which looked fun. Fernie walked ahead of us taking pictures of the surroundings, while sister and I lagged behind, chattering.

Halfway down a pathway, I realised sister has stopped abruptly in mid-stride and was staring at something, transfixed. Puzzled, I followed her horrified glance to an ape/monkey/baboon.

The baboon holding something with its left foot.

What? Oh. *pause* OH.

The baboon has its hand over its really long [Ed: like from the tip of your fingers to your elbow]… member and was stroking it vigorously in an up-down pattern.

“…..” said me.
“Are you seeing that?” sister asked, shocked. 

Fernie has also stopped and backtracked towards us.

“WHAT the…” I whipped out my camera from my bag. It’s a blogger’s instinct. Thinking back, I’m surprised I could still keep that in mind. Or it may have been me in auto-pilot mode. Well. It’s hard to tell. I was traumatised then.

“Did you see that? The end is heart-shaped. Why is it heart-shaped? Why is it heart-shaped?” Sister’s mind couldn’t function properly and words were spilling out of her mouth of their own accord.

Three girls, who probably saw us watching the baboon, rushed up screaming as they saw what it was doing. Temporarily distracted, the baboon stopped, only to *wince whyamIwritingaboutsuchstuffonmablog* come. 

ARGH, MY EYES, MY SOUL.

The pink heart-shaped tip.

The six of us stood, frozen to the ground, gaping in gross fascination as the heart-shaped tip pulsated fiercely.

“Can you see that? It’s moving. It’s moving. *pause* It’s pulsing,” muttered sister.

I can’t remember from all that trauma but I think I was too taken aback to do or say anything except to stare. And take photos.

The white stuff was all over the baboon’s body but you can’t see it from here.

All of us watched it in silence. Dark clouds settled over us as blackness tainted our beings with the scene in front of our eyes. Lightning flashed and thunder roared, in broad daylight. Toads fell from the sky. The baboon sniggered and spoke. Ok, so I’m exaggerating a little.

One would have thought it was all over. The baboon quietly played with its tip for a bit, then started cleaning up. Or so we thought. 

But NO.

[Or yes, depending on how you look at it.]

Guess what happened next.

Mr Frisky peeled the bubble-gum-looking white stuff from its body and..

.

…

…..

put it in its mouth.

All together now… EEEEEUUUUWWWWWWWW…….

[It's funny when I think back about the entire incident!]

Holding its member with its foot again while….

We couldn’t take it anymore and decided to leave the baboon to its own devices. *runs away*

I don’t know why things like that happen when I travel. First Melbourne, now Taiwan, why?!?!? *pained expression*

SCARRED FOR LIFE, I TELL YA.

Shortly after the baboon incident, we found the entrance to the Monkey Trail ride and hopped onto it. We have just seen everything we could have seen, but let’s do it anyway.

This ride was different from the rest – we were supposed to ‘cycle’ the cart to get it moving around the monkey open-air enclosure. Fernie took one on her own while sister and I decided that we can halve the work with two people on one cart.

Pretty Fernie ahead of us.

A third into the trail, the cart wobbled a little and sister and my imagination went into overdrive. We started panicking at the same time. The cart is moving too smoothly! I feel too exposed! I am this close to falling down! The cart will tip over and we will d*e! Argh! We are only supported by that thin metal bar!! If one of us lean over by just a bit, the cart will tumble down!! Help!! I can’t do the turn, I will fall!! Fernie, we neeeed yooouuuuu!!!!! *major panic mode* 

Sister was panicking so much she could only go “mei mei [little sis], mei mei! mei mei! mei mei!! mei mei!!”. I was trying my darnest to calm down and gather my wits so that I can calm her down as well, but her panic was infectious. We didn’t even looking at anything below us!

And there was Fernie, some distance in front of us – relaxed, oblivious to our agony and happily snapping pictures of the monkeys.

It was only when we reached the end and the metal support came under us that we regained our sanity.

I can’t believe the most innocent-looking ride turned out to be the scariest ride for us. >.<

There you go. A wtf-ish!! experience with a baboon and a ride that made us feel wtf-ish?!.

Other Taiwan posts:

Welcome 2 Taiwan!
What A Load of Bull
Randomly Taiwan
The Biggest Bookstore in Taipei & Meeting Jay Chou
The Theme Park With Nobody